Crushingly
by Verdot
Summary: The triumvirate of Cloud, Barret, and Yuffie. An old giftfic for Firefly99, with lots of subtext an absolutely 100 percent Complication free. Right before they head into the fray, they wonder what dying really is about.


Written a long time ago (or really not THAT long) when Firefly99 was still jailbait and I was listening to a lot of Nine Inch Nails. The breaks in the story used to be lyrics, but this place doesn't allow songfic of any kind. So I replaced them before the gestapo got on me. The perspective switches on each break, hopefully you can keep up. XD

* * *

Dying? That was easy. That was the end result of everything, and to have others pledging to do just that was frankly a waste. They were all going to die, sooner or later, most likely sooner at this rate. One of them had died for them... it wasn't even half the noble thing he expected it.

He would die for himself. But what was living, then?

He shook his head. Deep thoughts like this only made his head spin, identity crisis aside. They were five steps from annihilation or redemption or some big word like that and he was starting to sound like the morbid one.

As he looked around though, he couldn't help but wonder who would die for this. Die for... him, even.

_---_

He had undeniably become the right hand. While their fearless leader was moping about something, he had talked down the worst case of a mother complex he had ever seen and kept the pilot from causing a ruckus with the creepy one. They had told him he was being too gung ho, too passionate... no; he was the right hand man now.

There was no getting off... well, that was getting a little old.

But he plodded, nothing really graceful would ever do for his frame, over to that very same fearless leader, because there was always something about being at his side literally. Just something.

_---_

The gods were said to manifest from the orbs, she'd heard once. Big thoughts to have at a time like this. Then again, her dad had said that all those wonderful big people thoughts would happen the first time she was truly scared...

...was she scared? Oh ya.

Though in all reality, she wasn't worried about the whole ancient dragon gods of blah blah blah that she'd always heard. She'd seen one messed up wannabe god and one that really could be one if he just looked outside his own head...

Oh, Cloud certainly was divinity in his own right. Who else could be fool enough and powerful enough for this battle? Who else would listen to her babble late at night when she thought everyone was sleeping?

And standing with Barret... it was odd how they'd fallen into a chain of command with each other. Then again, Barret was a leader without too much care, and Cloud was one with too little. Seeing them side by side she could feel a little like she was standing in the presence of opposite and like powers.

It was a scary kind of beautiful.

_---_

That night they all sat around, strategy and all that went with it had been worked out. They had been home, they all had their reasons. He'd even made his peace with Tifa... as much peace as one can make with that. He was ready. He was willing. This was the end of the world and he wasn't going it alone.

Maybe they all mattered a little now. There was no use trying to be aloof tonight.

They were all so afraid for so many reasons. He... was he afraid for them? He could feel Barret's fear, slightly darker and deeper than some, and Yuffie's new and unknown and unsure. Cid, Tifa, and Vincent had gone off muttering about something else, Red XIII had curled up a ways off to sleep, and Cait Sith was off for the moment.

It was their fear that gave him chills. Good tingly chills. There was something wrong in that.

_---_

They were silent. He knew that sitting at Cloud's right hand was a little too symbolic, but they were all alone and he couldn't help but notice Yuffie was trying desperately to hide the fact that her hands were shaking. She was only sixteen, and their little trinity was both strengthened and weakened by that fact.

When he looked at Yuffie, he thought of his not-daughter. Would she grow up into something like that? Would she live that long? Cloud and Yuffie and he had an understanding, maybe, but the other two never understood the guilt and the responsibility he had.

He wanted to attain something of truth, some pure and untainted for his daughter. Or if he should find such a person, he would be that lieutenant, making sure that truth and good and all the heavy things would stay where they were supposed to. He would see to it.

That was what Yuffie was beginning to understand, and the slight tremor in her hands was just the beginning. They'd sold their souls to this campaign, and would die in its failure.

_---_

It was Barret that stopped the shaking before it spread to her shoulders. One big powerful arm reached around Cloud to get to her, giving her a reassuring squeeze with one large, surprisingly gentle hand.

Cloud was already calm, but she could tell that small action brought him back to humanity for the moment. Oh, she could almost die after this. Almost.

Maybe, maybe in the battle she would prove to them. Not that she could fight, of course she could do that she was a grand great shinobi, but that she could be held on the same level, she could be... believed in?

She didn't always know what she wanted in this type of situation. She didn't think her inevitable, honorable, wait screw honor; her death would come so effortlessly. Then again, once upon a time she never thought she would leave Wutai.

Well, no more shakes, no more regrets, that stupid tourist trap had better survive out of all of this.

_---_

The dawn broke and everyone fell into their presupposed positions. Tifa near Barret again, the last of AVALANCHE as it once was. Vincent muttering in the back, like the psychopathic relic he was. Cloud at the front, Cid somewhere nearby gruffly talking leaderly things. Yuffie flitting amongst. Spies, thieves, assassins, mercenaries, terrorists—and they were the good guys.

The would-be false god was waiting. Cloud had brought them here, and Cloud would get them out of here. Some people would speculate the reasons why; bring up their one sin along the journey.

But that didn't matter, in the dawn. This was the end times. No time for ghosts.

"Let's mosey."


End file.
